No Longer a People Pleaser: How I Learned to Set Boundaries

Are you exhausted from giving, giving, giving while others take without even realizing it? Do you find yourself saying yes when you mean no, or holding space for people who never seem to hold space for you? In this liberating and essential episode of "It Begins Here," host Jillian Johnson delivers a masterclass in setting boundaries with everyone—friends, family, colleagues, clients, and even yourself.

With her signature blend of loving directness (blame it on her Scorpio sun and Sag rising), Jillian shares how she transformed from a people-pleaser to someone who confidently says, "I'm not available for that right now. Can we take a rain check?" She gets real about losing friends along the way and why that's not only okay but necessary for growth. She explores the exhausting dynamic of people who are so consumed by their own worlds that they drain everyone around them—often completely unaware.

This episode is a powerful reminder that you don't live for others. You are here for your own journey, your own purpose, your own healing. Setting boundaries isn't selfish; it's quantum physics—preserving your energy so you can show up as your highest self. If you're ready to stop being everyone's source and start being your own, your journey begins here.

 Where love creates movement, and movement creates change. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm so blessed that I can do this, that I set boundaries with myself, and I set boundaries with other people too. I do that very well, and it took a lot of practice. I'm no longer a people pleaser. I am Jillian. I'm here to help support, contribute, guide, love, educate, lead, learn, all these beautiful things. Every one of you beautiful humans can do and receive. We have to set boundaries and lovingly.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

Not like, no, I'm not doing that for you now.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

No. More like, I would love to do that for you right now, but I'm not feeling well and I need to replenish. So can we take a rain check? And that is okay. Because you don't live for them. I see others, the dynamic of others, and how one person can be so consuming of others. They contribute as well, but consuming of others, and they don't even realize it. They have no idea. It's exhausting to even launch. I'm an accountability junkie. I'm an accountability guru. I'm an accountability coach. I do it all day long, even for myself. You have to set boundaries. Bomb Dia and welcome to It Begins Here. It begins here is a podcast about my journey and path to enlightenment, healing, awareness, realizations, and all the fun little stories in between. So I welcome you to It Begins Here, a podcast. Oh, this is a tough one. This topic is gonna be a tough one.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Because when you begin to take time to respond, to observe, to watch other people, including yourself, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Totally holding myself accountable. Um I'm a Scorpio. I'm also a Gemini Moon in a sad rising. Like I wanna uh ever I am a fire and wood element. I will tell you like it is, and it may seem direct and awful, but there's a lot of love behind it because someone did it for me. And it doesn't necessarily mean you have to respond right away. But you can, and I'll listen and just whatever. Um it is very difficult and you have to set boundaries around everything. Everything. I kid you not, everyone. You need to set boundaries around everything until you're able to just be and love them for exactly who they are. And I know that is very hard for many people. I'm learning that right now. It's either I'm gonna keep these individuals in my life or I won't. Any individual that does not include me, and they're so absorbed in their own world, I will remove you from mine. That's right, I said it. I don't give a shit. If you're so caught up in your own, and it's just gonna be absolute draining for me, I can't continue. I will hope that I our relationship of whatever it was, and certain it gave me truths and realizations and lessons, and I wish that for the other individual. That and I've lost lost. I've separated from many people including very close friends, whether it was their decision or mine. And it's okay. I refuse to hold on to any negativity. I even will stop myself in thinking it. And it's hard. It is not easy. Awareness is everything, right? You talk about this all the time. When you have awareness of yourself, first and foremost, you then you can control the the reaction, the narrative in many forms. Granted, the universe has timing and other deciding factors over you, right? You're not fully and completely in control, but you do have the control of how you react and how you interject. And when someone is so oblivious to how they're being around you and treating you and they don't see it, and you try to educate them, I'm certain that it's been uh a same occurrence for me and with another person, right? We are we're all we're not immune to this. We can't control what other people do, see, think, say. But if you observe them and you watch them, their true co-wors will shine through. Action is everything. Lack of action is everything. I've broken up with men in my past because of lack of action. Like I'm not sitting around waiting. I'm gonna keep moving. I'm not gonna just save space for you if you're not reciprocate. It's like that with any relationship, even your own children. There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries, absolutely nothing, until you can just be. So if I were to see friends that are no longer currently friends anymore, acquaintances, by the way, I don't hate anyone, if I see them in other circumstances, I'm civil. What the frick am I gonna waste my energy on any of that? And hopefully they do not either. It's just a wasted, complete waste of energy. That's what it is. And so until you're able to love them for who they are and be in their presence regardless, set a boundary. It's okay. And that can be with your own parents. It's okay. Because when you are there for them, it's genuine, true, and authentic. And I know every individual, every human that I've come in contact with, I've left something with them. With a knowledge, insight, support, love, anything, even the worst, the worst is the worst, even the worst of circumstances that I don't really have met in.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Um you just can walk away.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

But regardless, don't hold on to the anger, don't hold on to the frustration, don't just observe it, be aware of it. I'll call them out on it. If they don't like it, that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

I can't care.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Because if I'm doing it with love, because they need your s I'm setting a boundary. It's like driving, and someone's in the passenger seat, waving their hands around, being oblivious to everyone around them, and almost hitting you in the eye with their fingers. I kid you not. Like it happens when they're so engulfed in whatever they're doing, but it's, you know, you have to address it. Like, stop, I'm driving. It's a little dangerous. But there are a lot of uh humans out there that are in their own challenges, and I'm certain they have them. Doesn't mean I have to be involved. It does not mean that I have to dedicate MH, especially if it's not reciprocated. Healthy relationships are not easy. You set boundaries. It could be the closest of friends, it could be boyfriends, it can be family members, it could be colleagues, it could be clients, it could be anything and everyone. Even animals. Set boundaries. You're not bringing them outside every every second of every day that they want, because you'd you'd never do anything else, right? They're setting you're setting boundaries. And it's okay. You will thank yourself for it. I can guarantee you. That is the life that I'm living. Full of love, knowing I can set my boundaries, knowing that I am limitless, knowing that I can do anything I put my mind to it. I just went to um Pan Mass Challenge event at the Dina Farber last night, and it was I am so proud of myself, number one, for going. I wanted to make sure I supported my friend who had the consideration of driving. And um we're riding the Pan Mass Challenge as a team of us that's riding in 26 this year, and it's wild and that we retained and received so much information and inspiration. 90% of those proceeds that are raised, 90% of the money raised covers 90% of their costs. The PMS Challenge raises 90% of Gaina Fiber Research Center. Isn't that fascinating? But why? Why is there cancer? What is the root cause? Right? And we know a lot of those factors. Disease is dis- ease. You're not at ease. So I went fighting a migraine. I literally changed my mindset. You know what, migraine, you're not taking me tonight. No. Set a boundary on my own self. No, not happening. Wasn't happening. Granted, thankfully, my dear friend drove. I was consuming cannabis edibles, because that's how it helps me. It helps me. I've done videos to educate on that. It helps me, and that's what I choose. Granted, I did chase it, and rarely I do this with a couple of migraine um capsules, but I still went, I still showed up, I still was there to support, I was there to listen. I'm so blessed that I can do this, that I set boundaries with myself, and I set boundaries with other people too. I do that very well, and it took a lot of practice. And no longer people please are. No. More like, I would love to do that for you right now, but I'm not feeling well and I need to replenish, so can we take a rain check? And that is okay. Because you don't live for them. I see others, the dynamic of others, and how one person can be so consuming of others. They contribute as well, but consuming of others, and they don't even realize it. They have no idea. It's exhausting to even watch. I'm an I'm an accountability junkie, I'm an accountability guru, I'm an accountability coach. I do it all day long, even for myself. You have to set boundaries. You have to observe and say no. Because it'll suck your energy. It'll suck the life out of you. Everything is energy, quantum physics, beautiful humans, energy everywhere. People, plants, animals, everything, rocks, everything is energy, subconscious and consciousness. I'm gonna start talking a lot about that too. Because the mind, when you're aware and then you set boundaries, things flow. I want to live, and I live as fluid lights. My body flows, I flow, everything flows around me. I am in the rhythm because I am preserving my energy to contribute to my higher good. We're all capable and we all deserve to do that. It feels wonderful. We're so capable, but we have to challenge everything ourselves. Set boundaries. I know there's other people pleasers out there, I know there's other end-huffs out there, I know. You've got to set boundaries, especially with your phone. If you're driving or do you're multitasking, you're doing something wrong. How about that? Set boundaries for yourself. You don't do five things at once. No. Guess what? You're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna miss things, you're not gonna be present. Set boundaries. I know, gosh, you just keep saying that. I'm I'm training you. I'm changing that behavior. Repa repeating and repeating for a reason. Because we're worthy of it, and it's not selfish at all. And you know when it's done with grace. You know when people set boundaries being it's done with love and grace, and you know when it's not. Your gut will tell you yes, I have no desire to hang around with humans that don't consider me as well. I am present as well.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

I deserve to see the performance as well. I deserve to speak as well. I have an opinion too. I deserve great communication.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

I deserve a lot, and I deserve to set boundaries. And those boundaries can be something so small. I have five minutes. I just need five minutes. Just give me a second, do some deep belly breathing. So many people don't do that. I'm gonna do it again. Deep belly inhale, all that belly goes, stretches out. Yep. Don't do that. Do it again. Three times always wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

It's needed. Humans don't deep belly breathe anymore.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Set a boundary for yourself, contribute to yourself, talk kindly to yourself, deep belly breathe, set boundaries so you can preserve your own energy.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

Time for yourself and teach others to set boundaries, including your children. That's holding you accountable.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Because ma'am, parents, especially some masculine energy moms, we're like on top of that shit. It's like, oh enough, enough. That's overwhelming to anyone. Allow people to be as well. But when you're running and not being aware, you put others in danger. You put yourself in danger. Get off the phones. Deep belly breathe. Look around you. Enjoy it. Watch, observe. Man, of all the humans who just take a moment to deep belly breathe and watch and observe, this earth would be a lot lighter. And set those boundaries. It begins here. Thanks for listening. Love and light to all you beautiful humans.