I Love Jesus. I Don't Love the Institution.

What happens when spirituality becomes structured, rigid, and guarded by fallible humans? In this courageous and deeply vulnerable episode of "It Begins Here," host Jillian Johnson speaks the uncomfortable truth she's been avoiding for years: organized religion, by its very structure, sets the stage for failure, secrecy, and a devastating lack of accountability.

Jillian doesn't mince words. She names the unnameable—that institutional religions have "set the stage" for child trafficking and the creation of childhood trauma, particularly pointing to failures within Catholicism while acknowledging these issues exist elsewhere. She makes a crucial distinction: loving Jesus, appreciating Buddha, or feeling connected to God/Source is not the same as subscribing to rigid doctrines that demand adherence over authenticity.

This episode is not an attack on faith—it's a call for accountability, for compassion over control, and for truth over comfortable silence. Jillian shares her own healing journey (including her own experience of sexual abuse), her practice of self-discovery through Peely Wellness, and the liberating realization that we can honor spiritual teachers without worshiping fallible institutions. If you've ever felt trapped by religious structures or wounded by spiritual authority, this episode is a balm and a battle cry. Your journey to authentic, unapologetic spirituality begins here.

 Where love creates movement, and movement creates change. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

I think a lot of organized religions have set the tones for child trafficking. I know I said it. Ugh, Jillian, seriously? Yep. That's right. Uncomfortable. But my guts say and say it. Ugh, I know. And I know a lot of you are thinking this or recognize this or realize this. It's unfortunate. But they have to have accountability. You see it, and then recognize that. How did they hold them accountable? Right? There's a lot of um creation of childhood trauma in Catholicism.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 0:44

Yep. I'm sure it exists in others. Why? Because we're human, we're fallible. Remember? Yep. They have to be held accountable. Because it has to be stopped. And I think that especially organized religions that have had mistakes, have had, mistakes have caused a lot of trauma for people. I think they need to set up processes to allow. You see how I use the word processes? Let's let's talk in there, you know what I mean? We have to set up a lot of guardrails for when there are humans that are creating this trauma to suppress and heal them. And I don't think there's been a lot of accountability.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

So I welcome you to It Begins Here, a podcast.

SPEAKER_05 2:04

To be honest, I've been avoiding speaking this topic in this depth for quite some time because I know it's gonna shake people. And but I want to bring out the truth. And because it's necessary. The truth is necessary as unfortunate, uncomfortable, ridiculous to your s the thoughts that it's ridiculous, right? It it has to come out. And some would say, well, that's your perception. But listen, there are multiple ways to view something, and that is okay. That's not wrong. So if you're gonna say that this is my perception, then that's fine. I'm still gonna speak it. Okay, Jillian, like just say it already, right? I find that when we have certain religions, and there it's many, right? The word organized religion should not go together. There it is. Those two words, organized and religion, should not go together. It feels wrong. And why? Because what I found it sets up for failure in your belief system. Okay, well elaborate more. Okay. And maybe not all, but I feel really strongly about this. Um, I have my eyes closed, you know, channeling and everything. It's feels really strongly the fact that you have to stay within boundaries and parameters in a given religion. That's what makes me very uncomfortable. You can't do this, you gotta do this. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. To just be is spirituality to me, to just flow is spirituality to me. And I am a blessed, ethical, truth-saying mother effer, right? I'm gonna tell you the bluntness. That's what I want to do. That feels so good for me, by the way. And that brings in my wood element, you know, just to just say it. I just want to say it because it needs to be said.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

And going back to the words organize religion, deep breath seems wrong.

SPEAKER_05 4:56

And maybe not the word wrong, just doesn't seem balanced to me. There are certain aspects of even those organized religions that I just don't feel right with, and there are other organized religions that definitely feel yes, some have many, some have some, maybe some have few. I don't I am not um in depth to what is written, and it's literature on religion. I just go with what my gut says, and I channel. I'm channeling with the universe, and something with that just makes me go, no, and I believe it's because of the boundary setting, parameters, not even boundaries, parameters, because it all goes back to two simple things, which I was in. I'm gonna bring out my friend again because there's so much value to this. My dear friend Carrie Davidson, I was in a course with her as she's lecturing, and she said two words that just made perfect sense to me, and it was so simple. Compassion and truth. Those two things together is what equals integrity, the best things in life, right? If you act with compassion and truth, I think this world will be a much better place. And so let's not make it so structured because what I'm seeing are these beautiful humans following certain religions, many religions, and then when they fall short, because humans are fallible. We are all fallible, we all make mistakes. I witnessed them yesterday riding bikes with my good friend, and I was like, oh my gosh, no, no, no, right? You just witness it. People, humans make mistakes. I make mistakes too. Oh, that doesn't feel good because I'm a Scorpio. Oh god, ah, and oh, here she goes, naming the astrology. Well, I know myself, I know what fuels me. I know what I love, I know what I don't like, I know what makes me very uncomfortable, I know what I have to face. Guess what? I face it. Transformation. I am the death card, but that's me. We have to understand ourselves in order to navigate life. Self-discovery is everything. It's what I talk about constantly in our meetups for Pele, P Y L I Wellness. Pele means portal, the pronunciation of portal in Greek. Um, we talk about this constantly, of the fact of self-discovery, the importance. My abundance mindset course covers this. It's the first step. In order for us to be guided, we have to even know ourselves. So don't just take everything as guidance, don't just follow everything a practice says. That's for everything, not just religion. You have to utilize your intuition and what feels right and what doesn't.

SPEAKER_04 8:39

And I was brought up as Catholic in Christianity, and I see many beautiful things with it.

SPEAKER_05 8:50

Jesus himself, beautiful, absolutely beautiful. God, yep, check, that's a universe to me. I could dive deep, but I won't. Because there are other religions, Buddhism. I definitely appreciate Buddhism. I really do. But there's some structure in there. I don't believe, honestly, I don't believe in any human being. How do I want to say this? Like the oh, this is tough. I don't think because humans are fallible, I don't think they should be considered the divine because they can make mistakes and then think that it's okay. Careful, right? We have to be careful. So then go back to what Carrie Davidson was saying of five archetypes. She says compassion and truth. So simple. And I'll I'll quote others and bring in others into these conversations because they deserve that. And they you need to know about this stuff, right? Know it exists, self-discovery. Anyway, so therefore, I've seen beautiful humans fall short to what religion, their organized religion belief, the structure of it, and them get into the spiral of a circle of hating themselves, right? Because they can't practice. They they made mistakes. Oh, I understand, you know, once you say, you know, confess your sins, then all is forgiven.

SPEAKER_04 10:42

Right? Because you're you're recognizing you're aware. It doesn't mean you should continue. Right? There's the lesson.

SPEAKER_05 10:52

This is not easy stuff, by the way. And I'm here to make it as simple as possible, and I'm here to be unapologetically honest. I've lost friends, I've lost acquaintances, I'll even lose followers. I just don't care. This is my purpose, is to bring these things to the surface. Am I always right? I highly doubt it. But I'm human. Just listen in another way of perspective, right? That's what I'm asking to consider. And I'm also healing myself. I'm stepping in though. I'm having major shifts because of my awareness, because of my action, because of my practice. I am not perfect. But when I give and give and give, and then people just take, I'm like, whoa, that's not cool. And I'm gonna call you out on it.

SPEAKER_04 11:53

Yes, I am. Did it yesterday? Absolutely. Self-reflection. It we have to realize that we're human, number one.

SPEAKER_05 12:07

We have to realize that because something is structured and made this way and given these guardrails, let's hope it's with true intention and good purpose. But then as humans, we need to understand, like, no, I don't agree with that.

SPEAKER_04 12:26

I don't.

SPEAKER_05 12:29

And I I don't agree with your sins being forgiven and going forth always, because there has to be accountability. Yes, there's that word, and I think humans are falling short with that. And you know, there are there's been repercussions and negativity out of the most holiest of places. Look at what's happening around us. Don't be blind to it. You have to be aware, but you have to not let it consume you. So for those practitioners of, I'm gonna throw it out there, Catholicism, Christianity. It's what I talk about because I know a lot about it. I did practice up until a certain point in my life and then said, this wasn't for me, and I know why. I know why. Am I a perfect human? Absolutely not. Do I practice with compassion and truth? Absolutely. Yes, I do. If you know me, you know. So going back to let's get out of the cycle of hating ourselves and being upset with ourselves because we're not following the given bullet points, scriptures, dictatorships, and this is not just for organized religion, by the way. Now I'm talking to the masses. This is for everything. We have to go within ourselves. Start self-discovering who you are. I know it's going to be uncomfortable. I'm doing some inner child work with um a lover who I believe is coming back. And let me tell you, who I'm excited and scared at the same time. All right. I know it's coming. I'm very intuitive. I've been given that gift. I don't know if it's given or it's realized, right? Let's put that spin on it. I think everyone has intuition. I think everyone could definitely be in a higher, better, enlightened state. Yes. Get off the phones, take time for yourself, go in silence, sit in it. It's icky, I know. Too bad. Sit through it. It's most of it's in your mind, by the way. I read I read something yesterday um that said trauma is internal. It might have been a download during meditation, too. I forget, but trauma is internal.

SPEAKER_04 15:13

Just sit with that for a minute. Trauma is within your mind.

SPEAKER_05 15:20

Go through it. I fell on my bike yesterday for the first time. I knew it was gonna happen. I knew, and I yes, I think this is traumatic. So I'm I am practicing for the Pan Mass Challenge in Massachusetts in August. Oh god, hot month. But anyway, I'm practicing in August. I'm about to ride 177 miles. I'm totally gonna do it. I'm totally gonna finish. I know this, I can feel it. I can feel it. And getting goosebumps coming up. Yep. It's not gonna be easy. Nope. And I have to pace and I learn, right? So going through this, I have a beautiful bike. I'm snapped in. I'm snapped into this bike. It's not like you're riding a bike and you have full access free of your feet. By the way, my experience with bikes is riding a beach cruiser. Totally different. I went up to go up a hill and I was like, I'm gonna totally take this. And my friends in front of me, I shouldn't have allowed this, I knew it. And I'm going up the hill and I'm seated. I am seated, and I'm going up this hill and I'm making it, and she cuts me off and then I lose and whatever, but it's all in your mind. But anyway, trauma. I fell. I fell stopping at a stop sign. I unclipped on the left. I don't know what I was thinking. I thought I unclipped on the right, and I just went with it. And I was like, I need to experience this. So it was it was graceful as shit. But I knew before I even snapped in to do the 26, 28 miles, I knew I was gonna fall. That intuition, I kept saying, nope, nope.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

And I knew it was coming, and I'm like, nope, nope. Oh my goodness gracious.

SPEAKER_05 17:09

Anyway, that was traumatic. I got a pretty sizable bruise that I'm gonna self-heal today. You know, it's um it's you have to use your intuition, is my per my my point is use your intuition, accept it. And it was a very light, beautiful fall. So I'm very happy for it. Leave it, you know. I'm blessed for it. I've done it now, I'm not scared anymore. Um, but it was traumatic. Am I gonna snap back in in a couple of days? Yep, I'm gonna snap right back in. Here I go, right? But it's we have to go through it. But I'm not gonna carry it forever. That's the key. And I have things that I am not carrying no longer. I am a transitional character, I know that. That's my per one of my purposes. I'm leaving the past behind. I'm clearing past lives, I'm clearing ancestral lineage of trauma. Enough already with the carrying. We have to let that chick go and move forward. And the human that can do that, that can have traumatic experiences, that like shaking, you go, whoa, learn from it and don't carry it forward and leave it behind. That's powerful. So you're gonna be carrying this trauma, and then you jump into a sense of spirituality, organized religion. Um, I don't think they're synonymous, I think they're uh perpendicular. I think that um they're definitely an experience and a way. I think it's a great start. It sets the tone for what you can have, what you believe in, but you don't have to stay within those parameters, those guardrails. I didn't even call them boundaries because I've seen certain religions go out of boundaries and there's no accountability. Absolutely no accountability, and I think that sets the tone for what we're seeing today. I think a lot of organized religions have set the tones for child trafficking. I know I said it. Ugh, Jillian, seriously? Yep, that's right. Uncomfortable, but my guts say and say it. Ugh, I know. And I know a lot of you are thinking this or recognize this or realize this. It's unfortunate, but they have to have accountability. You see it, and then recognize that. How did they hold them accountable? Right? There's a lot of um creation of childhood trauma in Catholicism. Yes, yep, I'm sure it exists in others. Why? Because we're human, we're fallible, remember? Yep, they have to be held accountable because it has to be stopped. And I think that especially organized religions that have had mistakes, have had mistakes have caused a lot of trauma for people. I think they need to set up processes to allow, you see how they use the word processes. Let's let's talk in there, you know what I mean? We have to set up a lot of guardrails for when there are humans that are creating this trauma to suppress and heal them. And I don't think there's been a lot of accountability and not just Catholicism. I'm not judged. Again, I'm referring to Catholicism, specifically Catholicism, because that's what I have experience with, and I'm learning about other religions. I I took a dive into Buddhism, that would be the second um area, organized religion that I understand. Um and there are some things I don't agree with there either. I know, and it's okay, right? It's whatever you get to choose, what resonates with you, and hold yourself to the highest when using compassion and truth. But we have to hold people accountable as well, and I am sure they did, right? I'm sure in Catholicism humans were held accountable. I don't know. Everything that happens. Honestly, I don't want to know. I'm moving forward, leaving it behind, and I'm also, but I wasn't, you know, abused by that. So there's a whole nother level. How do those humans that were taken advantage of and created childhood trauma, they obviously need to recognize awareness, learn to heal and release and leave in the past, right? But you have to be careful if you're creating it. And I have sympathy and I send healing to those who were the offenders, quote unquote. Because you have to heal. And that's been coming through a lot of my childhood. Like I said, I was sexually abused, not by a priest, not by a rabbi, not by right? I wasn't, it wasn't specifically organized religion. And it happens, yes, it does, and don't deny it, because humans are fallible. But I send them much healing. And I send those that have been abused, the innocent, huge healing. And I'll you'll be in my um my prayers today. Because um some call prayers, some call spells, some call right, castings. I'll cast it, I'll send it out. I'm not saying organized religion is the uh epitome of evil. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying humans are fallible. And I've tried reading the Bible, it doesn't resonate with me, at least not at this point, but God, I love Jesus, and I think God is great. I call it source, like yes, yes. Some others call it many other things, right? It's it's all the same thing. That's what's wild. It really is. I did a post recently about that. It's all aligned in some way, it's all linked in some way. We all are one. We're reflections, we're projections, we're mirrors, right? We create our own reality. So don't feel the need to stay within guardrails, especially if it doesn't resonate with you, especially if your soul, your gut, your intuition tells you otherwise. It is a great way to practice. There are beautiful things you can take away from them, there are beautiful things that you can practice with them, but everything's black and white, everything's good and evil, everything has an opposite. It's the recognition, it's the awareness that we have to see. And God, this conversation was uncomfortable at first, but I'm not uncomfortable anymore. So thank you. You just healed me. Things I have to say, and it might not be well received, but that's okay. I am unapologetic of it. They have to be spoken. But there are many beautiful things that come out of organized religion. And then there are things that are not so aligned or balanced, and we have to recognize human, right? Ego. I I deal with that a lot with myself, ego Jillian, right? So it's just bringing the awareness, that's the key, and then knowing yourself.

SPEAKER_04 26:13

So love and light. It begins here. Thanks for listening. Love and light to all you beautiful human.