SELF DISCOVERY (Part 4) I Will Forgive, But I Will Never Forget!

What if the most powerful healer you'll ever encounter is completely free and available to you right now? In this deeply healing and vulnerably honest episode of "It Begins Here," host Jillian Johnson takes you on a journey to the water—beaches, creeks, and the sacred sounds of nature—and reveals why water has been her lifelong refuge.

Jillian shares how walking the shoreline and listening to moving water became her sound healing practice, long before she had words for it. She recounts her natural childbirth experience (which went absolutely nothing like her water birth plan) and the raw, chaotic beauty of bringing her daughter into the world. She also dives deep into the childhood trauma she released this past weekend, the two journals she's filled in two and a half weeks, and the powerful realization that she has never truly had a support system.

This episode is a masterclass in radical accountability—both for ourselves and for those who have hurt us. Jillian delivers a powerful message: "I will forgive, but I will never forget." She names the reality of creating light in the darkest places, seeing light in dark people, and the necessity of finally setting boundaries with those who have taken without giving back. Your journey to healing through water, words, and self-accountability begins here.

 Where love creates movement, and movement creates change. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I will forgive, but I will never forget. And I now understand why I've minimized myself for so long. And why I've created light in the darkest of places. Man, I created light in my childhood. I created light in everyone I encountered. Whether they wanted to see it or not. Whether it was received or not. And I'm sure some of you resonate with this. Created light in such darkness. And seeing the light in some dark people. Yep. Seeing the light in some dark people. You know who you are, those that hurt me. You know exactly who you are. And you'll be named eventually. You're already named, let's face it. I don't have to do a damn thing. You'll receive that recognition, unfortunately. I don't wish it upon you, it's just what will be. Because you need to heal. You need to be held accountable. It begins here.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Bomb Dia, and welcome to It Begins Here. It begins here as a podcast about my journey and path to enlightenment, healing, awareness, realizations, and all the fun little stories in between. So I welcome you to It Begins Here, a podcast, the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

I've um been away walking beaches and listening to the movement of water. I've been away walking in nature and listening to moving creeks and the power of water. It is a sound healing. I don't think a lot of humans realize this.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

How powerful and healing it is.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

And I think now that I'm talking about it, it's gonna become more and more aware, right? And so I do what I do. The power of walking the beach and hearing the ocean crash against the shoreline. Hearing those waves, white caps.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

There's something about it. Um it's like a beautiful melody.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

It is a song in and of itself. It's nature's song, right? So we have to have this appreciation and realize it's there and it's free. To truly take it all in and appreciate it for what it is. Cause there's even more to receive in that that perspective, right? When you're more aware of what's in front of you and all the blessings, you're able to receive them more. And I'm going through this, I'm learning this as I go. Bird just flew by the window, confirmation. It is extremely powerful. And I we talk about this, I talk about this in all the businesses that we run, and including this podcast, that awareness is everything. And when you're using it in combination of water, it brings more clarity than I think many realize. And to sit in the forest or in the woods amongst the trees and hear that running water. Hear how nature interacts to listen to it. So I'm challenging you. Of course, you're gonna have an action item if you're gonna listen to this podcast, right? I'm challenging you to go to the beach. Whether it's first thing in the morning before you go to work, whether it's during lunch, whether it's after work, whether you're going to watch a sunset, even if it's 15 minutes to just listen. Just listen. Find a spot that's comfortable, take the time to do it, and just listen. You're getting healing, you're receiving healing just by doing that. And again, the awareness of doing it is even more powerful because you're gonna appreciate it more, you're gonna see other things, you're gonna witness other things. I've had all different types of animals, critters, creepy crawl, whatever, come and approach me and hang out and talk to me. It's unbelievable. And no, I'm not self-induced, I don't drink, I do consume cannabis, but I don't get overly high. That's not the purpose for me. So don't even point to things like that. It's a real thing. It is a real thing when you slow down and allow yourself to interact with the world around you. It's a real thing. And I start with meditation. I mean, at this point, yes, I do meditate and appreciate it for more than I will ever know and realize, I'm certain. But I can get pretty meditative quickly. I've programmed my body, my being to do that. Trained my mind, body to align with my soul and to connect with everything around me. And this is part of it is the blessing of and the power of water and its movement. So that's your assignment. If you're not doing that already, please insert that in your daily life, at least weekly, I'd say daily. Um but it even goes further. I want to give you some examples of my experience in water. The one that immediately goes to mind for me is childbirth. And literally having contractions, I mean, I anytime I had any discomfort in my pregnancy, I took to a bath. I knew I wasn't going into labor, I knew it wasn't time, but I was uncomfortable. I had four, three or four days of back labor from 4 p.m. to 4 a.m. the last four days before I gave birth. And the only thing, and I can handle some heavy pain, I had an all-natural childbirth. I can endure it. Um, and it's a mindset too. But women, you know, us to to conceive, have that gift to be able to endure this pain. And that has to be known and recognized. That is a thing. But water sitting in that bathtub just soothed me. And there's all reasons to this, right? Connecting to the womb, the fluidity of it, the water movement. My beautiful little Abby was swimming in water at the time. Like it's just so remarkable and amazing to have that appreciation. I was planning on having and giving birth in water. It just felt right to me, and it felt right because I always sought to baths as a form of soothing and healing, even down to when I was a young kid. I always took baths, and thank you to my parents for doing so. But those baths are always also and always refuge to what was going on around me. And that is fact and truth. Um, I just heard someone cough for confirmation. That is absolutely factual and truth. And it's okay, right? So I, you know, I've had some realizations in this journey, some really deep realizations of why I always sought to people please and create light and darkness. And yes, it definitely is part of being a fire element. Thank you, Miss Carrie Davidson. Um, it definitely is, but it also stems to my upbringing and my childhood. And I can't wait to to, I mean, this is why I've done what I've done, um, and taught and built the things I do. Um, you know, the the transmuting trauma to success and love is that course. I mean, it's it's I'm embodying all the things I do and teaching others what I do. It might not resonate with you, but I'm certain there's value there. Certain. Because look at me and who I've become. And it's not to be pompous, it's just the recognition of I've become this and I want to give back. I've always given back, I've always minimized myself for others, I've always created sunshine for someone else at the pain of myself, the the giving of myself. I ended relationships recently for the mere fact of I'm done over giving to people that aren't receiving it well and not giving back. And I've learned too. Oh, I got some movement in my left hand on that one, right? You know, you know. And releasing those humans, because they are and they're valuable, and we all are valuable, and I'm fallible because I am human. I'm in this meat sack right now, right? But you have to learn when the boundary needs to be set, and people show with action. So if you want to be in my circle, you need to make sure you s you show up with truth, compassion, and action.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

Because it ain't getting anywhere other than this.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

Um and that is my blessing. But I want to teach others to be in that empowerment, to go no, because when we all rise, and we are, we are, we already have, we are. This beautiful world becomes a freaking phenomenal place. And I'm here to lead it. New splash, right? Hence why I'm a leader. There's others, yes there are. We will rise. We are rising. And it starts with water. Drinking it. I talk to my water when I'm running my bath. I take salt baths every day. When I run my bath, when I pour my water into my drinking cup. Oh, thank you. You are so beautiful. I love you because water has memory. Yes, it does. Please do that. Please talk to your water. Tell it how clean and refreshing it is, how much it soothes your body, it replenishes you, it quenches your thirst. So what if you're talking to yourself at the the office bubbler? Who gives a shit, right? Who gives a shit? So what if you start talking to yourself in your Airbnb room? And I'm sure others are probably listening on the other side of the wall. So what? Right? You gotta do the things we're here to teach lessons, we're here to embody and empower. I created my healing journey to heal myself, yeah, that's right, and heal others. It's damn vulnerable. It is damn uncomfortable. But that's okay. There are things that I have that'll never be brought to the surface. That's for me to keep and not to reveal.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

I know my boundaries. So if you want to learn from me, there'll need to be fluidity, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Reciprocity. If you want to heal with me, listen to this podcast, follow us on Facebook, all the all the socials, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, we're not on TikTok. I mean, it's getting a little obnoxious, don't you think? And there's something about TikTok I don't like, and I'm just gonna say it. I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

But listen in. And water's powerful and it's sacred, and we make up.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

We're mostly water. It's energy. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

So talk too water. Enjoy it. It is powerful. It's free. Birds chirping for confirmation.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

And so I've used water throughout my whole life for my healing, whether it's baths, whether I was a kid, whether it's now, whether it's for childbirth. By the way, my childbirth was nothing of what I planned it to be. Nothing ever is, right? What a beauty. I had the plan just in case, right? Beautiful music and submersed in water. She's in water, she's coming out in water quickly. Um and it didn't happen that way. It was in the middle of the night. I was literally trying to go into labor. My mother thought I was crazy and said, you just need to relax and calm down. She was tired, amongst other things. My uh Abby's dad was sleeping because he was tired. They were they were both guess sick of me needing to go into labor, and that's fine, right? But I knew, I knew, and I went into labor in our living room. Uh everywhere. Thank you, Chris, for cleaning that up. It went everywhere, and it was utter chaos. Abby was born after midnight.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

We were on the highway, we couldn't go go fast enough.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

There were two two young kids smoking a joint on the highway. We're like trying to pass them, it was kind of funny. But I mean, I'm like bearing down. I'm obviously calling the doctor. He was a complete asshole, by the way. I even forgot his name, it doesn't matter. Because you knew he was at his hit the point, the end point of his career when he just seemed bothered that I was going into labor. Um, when you get to a point in your career that you don't want to be bothered anymore, it's time to change, right? So, and I've learned this in my career of many facets of my life. But show up, they're understaffed, it's quiet no longer because I'm coming in hot, and they couldn't open up and get set up fast enough. They couldn't even offer me drugs, even if I wanted to go down that route. Abby was coming out fast and quick. Three pushes. The last one a little catastrophic for my body, that's okay, healed, healing, but things don't ever end up like they're planned. Ever. And Abby's dad and my mom get to witness that birth, how beautiful it was, how amazing I did, under complete duress, and you will always, after having children, this is a gift for us women, after having children, you're not shy about your body anymore, especially in when it needs healing. You are no longer shy, you just do what needs to get done because you know it needs to get done. So during my labor, if I have to get on all fours half naked, I'm gonna do it and not think twice. And that's just it. It is what it is, they've seen it before. There's nothing different, right? So a blessing. I love being a woman. I love learning to balance my femininity and my masculinity because I stayed in my masculine energy for far too long because of what had happened to me in my lifetime and not having a support system pretty much ever in my lifetime. That's right, and so that's kind of where I want to pick up from where we left off in the last podcast. I started with water therapy because it clearly is an important thing that needs to get discussed in turning into my labor 909 on the clock. And I have some significant childhood trauma that I released this past weekend, and there's still things gonna pop up, let's face it, right? But I dug, I dug deep, and without even meditation, because I knew it was lingering, just being able to sit in silence and process your feelings in your mind, things in your mind, being able to release that. Journaling. I've gone through almost two journals in the past two and a half weeks. It's nuts. Absolutely nuts. That helps me. Being a Gemini moon allows me. Learn your moon sign so you can understand how to manage your emotions, by the way. I learned that recently, how important that is. Those emotions, those feelings and emotions, to process it all. And in doing so, has allowed me the epiphany of really not having a support system. There were definitely characters along the way, my grandmother and me, thank you. Um Lisa Belong was a big one. There are still some other um high school friends, elementary friends that linger, but that's changed as they both realize. And it requires healing. And it has to require you to let go of things that no longer serve you. People that no longer serve you, and the realization of what they did and how they were involved. And I'm going to table. The specifics on that for now for this podcast. But what I will say is I will forgive, but I will never forget. And I now understand why I've minimized myself for so long and why I've created light in the darkest of places. Man, I created light in my childhood. I created light in everyone I encountered, whether they wanted to see it or not, whether it was received or not. And I'm sure some of you resonate with this. Created light in such darkness. And seeing the light in some dark people. Yep. Seeing the light in some dark people. You know who you are, those that hurt me. You know exactly who you are. And you'll be named eventually. You're already named, let's face it. I don't have to do a damn thing. You'll rose you'll receive that recognition, unfortunately. I don't wish it upon you. It's just what will be.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Because you need to heal. You need to be held accountable. It begins here. Love and light. It begins here.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Thanks for listening. Love and light to all you beautiful human.